The balance of life.

Somewhere between your 20’s and turning 30, life takes a turn for the responsible, mundane and sometimes downright boring. How does this happen? Does it have to happen? I’m sure it doesn’t happen to everyone. Why do I feel like it’s happened to me?

I had a thought the other day, that just now, in my life, the crappy boring things I have to do far outweigh the fun, exciting, soul nourishing things I get to do. And I’ve been wondering how to tip the scales back.

I am a mum to one gorgeous 19mth girl, and one gorgeous girl in utero due in 7 weeks. I’ve given up work, taken on the mum and home role, and to be really blunt, I don’t actually enjoy it all that much.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter to bits, she is delightful, and smart, and growing way too quickly. I appreciate her every day. But its the other stuff that comes with it, like housework, cleaning, bills, administration, shortage of money, lack of time and abandonment of friends, that I find so morbidly depressing at times. There are some amazing people and things in my life that I get excited about…if I can rustle it up..but those moments are pretty limited. I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to be doing more……..

So what do I DO?

These are the things I think about doing:

Abandoning all ‘normality’, moving to Asia (yes, with a toddler and a newborn) and immerse our family in a new culture to add a bit of spice to life. (hubby is not really on board with this one)

Getting a housekeeper and a nanny, just to be here at home while I’m at home, so they can do all the things I don’t want to do. Then I can focus on moving furniture and redesigning rooms, or painting pictures, or sewing, or starting an awesome online business.

These are the things I might have to do:

Get a new attitude about the things I need to do in life, take responsibility, get them done really quickly and then plan more fun things into my day.

Realise that having a nanny/housekeeper is pretty unattainable right now.

Suck it up and just focus on being a good mum and wife.

I’m torn, do I fight the feelings of discontent OR do I harness the desire to do great, fun and different things? Am I ungrateful or unsettled for a reason?

When I grow up I want to be…

When I was a kid, I distinctly remember telling mum and dad that I wanted to be a mailman. (mail person for the PC), so I could stop at everyone’s house and get to know them.  This dream was squashed when dad explained that I wouldn’t really get to meet people because I would just have to drop off their mail in the box and keep driving. But I think this gives an indication of what I wanted to do in my life from a young age. To meet people, and connect with them, and help them. I have since developed more interests and desires, but that speaks to me of my core.

I don’t think its coincidence that kids spend a good amount of time role playing different jobs and roles in society. They need to discover what it is they want to do through this process.

I only was exposed to a handful of occupations in a rural NZ community, teacher, shop keeper, farmer or mailman were pretty much the options. I am amazed now at the world of opportunity and variety there is for us to partake in. I believe so strongly in finding a purpose in what you put your hand to. We are meant to do stuff, and stuff that we love. There is an occupation, business, vocation, job or area of interest for everyone to be matched to. And if you can’t find yours, make it yourself!

As a family we are having a bit of a tough time financially, and I know that I could easily find a temporary full time role in a government job because of the experience I’ve had. I went to an interview for one the other day, and as soon as I left the room, I thought “I don’t want to be here full time, or any time.” I struggled for a couple of days about whether I was being stupid, or just true to myself. And I came to this conclusion:

I have come to the realisation that I can’t bring myself to do things just for the money. My time is too precious to be wasting it doing things I don’t enjoy. I realised that in all things in this life, you can do it for love, or you can do it for money. I am doing life for love, taking all the steps to achieving some dreams, and believing that the money will come soon after!

The fight.

Guess what, life is not easy. And I’ve come to the realisation that it probably never will be. We live in a constant state of disappointment if we think we are going to one day arrive at Easy Street.

We think “If only I could win the lotto, then my worries would be gone”… Sorry folks, this will bring a whole new set of troubles to your world.

Or “If I could just meet the perfect partner, I’d be so much happier.” Possibly true, however good relationships take hard work! You could just choose to be happier now, and you might even find yourself that perfect partner!

I have known this, but maybe only just now have I ‘got’ it. I think deciding to be in a constant state of fight actually makes life a little bit easier. Its all about the attitude.

To progress, we must take ground, and taking ground requires a fight. If you don’t fight, you don’t win! Victory is not a destination but a state of living.

So if I wake up in the morning and think “Today, I might come across some difficult situations, but I’m ready for it! I am choosing right now, to be up, and enjoy life, no matter what” I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a better day. This friends, is my goal in life…for this week… and hopefully longer!