Month: March 2012

I’m a dag and I don’t care!

For a number of reasons today.
I’m eating lunch alone, which is a toasted tuna & spinach sandwich and a chocolate frappe…pretty close to a fish milkshake once it’s in my belly…

I’m propped up awkwardly in a corner couch, 7 months pregnant and pretty uncomfortable reading a cool magazine.

my outfit consists of a faded retro stretchy dress, too small really, only being worn for maternity variety, tights, sandals on unpedicured feet, ratty hair and unkept eyebrows.

To add to this, my surrounding environment is made up of boutique everything shops, fashionista waif beauties, and BMWs.

To finish lunch I have awful heartburn and have just consumed half a pack of quickeze. Total dag dag dag!

But man, this time is MINE! I’m pondering creative projects, planning meals for mums I know need some help, enjoying the quiet, being saddened by peoples need for pretense, and praying for my beautiful family.

I’m not going to lie, I also dream of being thinner, more stylish with nicer hair and hooves, to own or sell designer things, and maybe one day have a car upgrade, but I am learning to be content as I waiver in and out of confidence.

The balance of life.

Somewhere between your 20’s and turning 30, life takes a turn for the responsible, mundane and sometimes downright boring. How does this happen? Does it have to happen? I’m sure it doesn’t happen to everyone. Why do I feel like it’s happened to me?

I had a thought the other day, that just now, in my life, the crappy boring things I have to do far outweigh the fun, exciting, soul nourishing things I get to do. And I’ve been wondering how to tip the scales back.

I am a mum to one gorgeous 19mth girl, and one gorgeous girl in utero due in 7 weeks. I’ve given up work, taken on the mum and home role, and to be really blunt, I don’t actually enjoy it all that much.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter to bits, she is delightful, and smart, and growing way too quickly. I appreciate her every day. But its the other stuff that comes with it, like housework, cleaning, bills, administration, shortage of money, lack of time and abandonment of friends, that I find so morbidly depressing at times. There are some amazing people and things in my life that I get excited about…if I can rustle it up..but those moments are pretty limited. I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to be doing more……..

So what do I DO?

These are the things I think about doing:

Abandoning all ‘normality’, moving to Asia (yes, with a toddler and a newborn) and immerse our family in a new culture to add a bit of spice to life. (hubby is not really on board with this one)

Getting a housekeeper and a nanny, just to be here at home while I’m at home, so they can do all the things I don’t want to do. Then I can focus on moving furniture and redesigning rooms, or painting pictures, or sewing, or starting an awesome online business.

These are the things I might have to do:

Get a new attitude about the things I need to do in life, take responsibility, get them done really quickly and then plan more fun things into my day.

Realise that having a nanny/housekeeper is pretty unattainable right now.

Suck it up and just focus on being a good mum and wife.

I’m torn, do I fight the feelings of discontent OR do I harness the desire to do great, fun and different things? Am I ungrateful or unsettled for a reason?